Sitting here sick with bronchitis on my couch on a
Saturday night Sunday morning at 1:40 am thinking about my life and my priorities. Deep shit. I know.
Basically I’m wondering why I’m so lazy 80% of the time but then reminding myself that – um, hi. You’re busy ALWAYS! I guess it’s just when you’re not exactly where you want to be in the moment, it can start to feel like you’re not trying, even when you know you are. We’re our hardest critics after all, right? Right.
It’s weird being out of college and working (making guap) but not exactly in the field you hoped to be working in post-college. Basically I’ve been modeling full-time since I graduated, which is awesome! I get to meet a lot of amazing people and it’s amazing exposure… but it’s not (dare I say it? yes, of course I’m gonna say it – this is me we’re talking about) my passion. I’m a person who has always followed my passions. If I want it – I go get it. I don’t dally. If it’s mine and it’s meant to be mine, I’m going for it. But this part of my adult life, this thing they call a career, isn’t coming to me as easy as I had hoped it would. I keep hearing that it’s normal at this stage to question what you’re doing and why and how and basically every question you can possibly ask yourself, but can we all agree that being an adult is the most anxiety inducing, annoying, thrilling time of our lives?!
I believe in God’s plan for my life and I try to follow it as best as I can (when I’m not being stubborn, that is), but sometimes I wish I could get a little preview or a little sneak peek. I mean, American Horror Story does it, why can’t God?!
I made a vow to myself for my 23rd birthday (October 25th, 2015) to follow my passions wholeheartedly into the New Year. Not that I’ll stop modeling, because that pays the Starbucks bill (thank God for parents who haven’t left my ass high and dry) and I do love it, but I’ll definitely be focusing in more on what makes my soul happy.
There’s no real point to this blog post other than me rambling while hacking coughing all over my computer with bronchial bacteria (EW LOL), but I feel like the more I blog about things instead of just thinking them and not sharing the things that really go on in my brain, the more I can connect with anyone who’s feeling the same way or is in a weird space where it’s like – wtf. am. i. doing. with. my. LIFE?!?! – I feel you young boss. & I’m with you. We’re gonna get through this together 😉