Let me just start by saying I AM SO SORRY! I know I haven’t been blogging like I am supposed to and I have plenty of excuses but none of them are good enough. Something I’ve decided over this holiday break is that when it comes to my blog, I am cutting the bullsh*t and being the real me that I am, which is something I pride myself on doing when it comes to any situation, but for some reason when it comes to my work or things I’m passionate about, I nitpick every single little detail that it makes it impossible for me to actually get things done.
So here I am, real, raw, me. And if you don’t like a little saucy language and the occasional f, s, a or h bomb then see ya later because this is NSFU (Not Suitable for U) 🙂
I’m in a mood right now so I figured instead of just feeling it, I would write about it because I feel like at least some of you guys can relate. I’m calling it the graduating senior blues, and this isn’t just something that us almost college graduates experience, but anyone who is about to go through a major change or milestone in their life. Right now I can only speak for me and my soon-to-be college grads, but we are at a point in our young lives where it’s time to cut the shit and get grown. THAT ITSELF IS EXTREMELY NERVE WRACKING. We aren’t getting any younger and childhood excuses aren’t going to fly in a few months. The real world does not mess around and we are getting ready to get tossed into what seems like a freaking oblivion. My anxiety is at an all time high just thinking about it and if you’re someone like me who gets anxiety easily, I know what I’m saying right now is not helping your situation AT ALL but just know I’m freaking out with you as you read this LOL.
So basically I had a situation today where I spent 3 hours working on something for my blog and next thing I know… poof… it’s gone. Which naturally and irrationally triggered the “WTF am I doing with my life” question that I have been asking myself ever since my last semester of college began. I’m in a space where it’s like I know I have so many things to do to prepare myself for graduation and my career which I have chosen to pursue while in college (since Sophomore year), and it makes me kind of want to scream at the top of the Empire State Building and then cry while eating a dozen Dunkin Donuts. From what I’ve heard, this is a common reaction to pre-graduation but I never thought I would feel this way! For some reason, people have always looked at me as someone who has their shit together and is already set. I personally think those people are NUTS. I have so many goals and aspirations that I feel like I am so far away from but at the same time so close I can taste them. I know I could be doing more to take that extra step in my career but at the same time I know when I make that step, that there’s no turning back and life is really going to take me on a roller coaster ride to God knows where but I hope it ain’t hell! I also feel like I’m doing too much at times and I need to take a rest, but then I look myself in the mirror and I’m like, “bitch WHAT ARE YOU RESTING FOR??!!! GET UP AND MAKE SOME MOVES!”
I am probably bipolar and someone reading this is thinking that I am a crazy nutcase, but for those of you who get me and get it, you know how I’m feeling! And even if it’s not that many of you, I know how alone I feel sometimes in this graduation blues state of mind that if one person reads this and says “YES! (or YAAAASSS!) THAT’S ME!” then I’ve done my job.
Well… now I’m going to go to the gym, burn some steam and pray. Tweet me and let me know I’m not completely crazy. Or lie to me. Either one will work for me LOL
Thanks for letting me vent xo